I was struggling on how to write this post; I'm not even sure I want to post it because this probably won't make sense...
Yesterday I went to sleep overthinking about things and creating problems that don't exist. I have not had this problem in a really long time. It was approximately 10pm. It usually does not take me long to fall asleep. I felt like I could not breathe and there was a lump in my throat. Everyone in my family was asleep and I never felt so alone. I yawned a million times and continuously rubbed my eyes. I was exhausted but so awake. I took so many deep breaths but nothing was working.
I decided to play soft music so I could focus on a song rather than all my problems. I played two songs; Oceans and Transfiguration by Hillsong United. I never really listened to worship music but there was something about these two songs that made me question a lot of things....It was pitch black outside, and I could just see this light (street light) coming through my window. From the moment I pressed play I could not stop crying. I felt so much warmth and comfort from God. - I've never felt that way before. It was a surreal feeling and I cannot describe how much comfort and relief I felt after realising that I am not alone. I asked myself why I have never taken the time to ask for guidance or forgiveness.
It was 11pm and I finally fell asleep after that one hour that felt like forever. I am so sick of feeling worthless and last night was a wake up call. I want to be a better person and follow my heart - so that is what I will do.
Have you ever experienced such thing? It may sound strange and I am still trying to make sense of it...I know this post was short but I needed to put it out there.