"There's a million reasons on why I should give you up, but the heart wants what it wants"
- Selena Gomez
Twenty Fourteen: This song touched my heart because it really got me thinking about everything in my life, who I am and who are the significant people I surround myself with. The lyric "the heart wants what it wants" spoke to me. If your heart wants something but doesn't get it, it's going to reflect on your well being and make you feel broken inside. I've had to push people out of my life who don't make me happy. Even though it sounds harsh, even though my mind might tell me I'm doing the wrong thing or I've made a big mistake, my heart is the one who feels, the one who has to cope with the pain and the sadness. It's so so so important to be happy. In life, if you're unhappy, it really reflects. Take the time to understand the difference between the way you think with your mind and the way you choose with your heart.
Now: Looking back at this short post I wrote back in 2014 made me realise how much I have changed. First of all, I still bloody love this song so that has not changed. However, my grammatical errors and lack of sophistication has defiantly improved over the last two years. Aside from that, I remember writing this post. I remember having one of those days were I was so frustrated, humiliated and upset. I use to hate myself for pushing people out of my life. I used to hate how upset I got over it - and I still do. But now I realise that there is no point holding on to things that don't matter. People use to say to me "you are going to look back on this and laugh because it is so pointless". I used to get so annoyed when people used to tell me that my problem will be a single grain of sand along the beach in a few years. - I think this was because I was so caught up in the darkness that I could not see any light. I had no hope at all. It upsets me thinking about that time because little young me cared so much about other people and I did not care for myself. I let other people walk all over me and I am glad I have overcome that problem. I am glad that I have stepped out of the darkness and I am glad that I am that person who says "you are going to look back on this and laugh because it is so pointless."
Although I felt worthless, had no hope for the future and hated myself. I had mental break downs, panics and tears, I was patient and I put my self first. I listened to my conscious and waited for my heart to heal.
Remember; be patient, time will heal everything. you are loved.